[00:00.14] Unit 45 Friendship in China and the West -- Chinese expect friendships to be more lasting. [00:09.43] For Chinese a true friendship endures throughout life changes. [00:14.37] Chinese are friends even if they have not spoken for 20 years. [00:19.10] If you shared something at one time, then all your life you are friends. [00:23.56] This is the best of Guanxi, the Wide Web that connects Chinese through time and space. [00:30.53] Chinese invented the Internet long before Bill Gates was born. [00:36.01] In North America, even the relationship in which people feel close and tell each other personal problems may not survive life changes such as moving to another city, [00:47.09] graduation from a university, a change in economic circumstances, or marriage. [00:53.33] If the people do not see each other regularly, the relationship is likely to die. [00:59.54] -- Different foundations for friendships Chinese friends share" things in common": a task, a class, the hometown. [01:09.51] Friendships are formed by people who work or go to school together. [01:14.34] You may or may not like the person, but if he or she can do something for you because of his position or job, [01:21.35] you can be friends. [01:23.52] But in North America, business and friendship are kept separate. [01:28.39] The friendships are usually tied to specific activities. [01:32.59] A person may have work friends and leisure activity friends. [01:37.57] Also friends tend to have similar financial circumstances, because friendship in the west is based on equality. [01:46.28] Friends should exchange similar activities and give similar things to each other. [01:52.22] If one can afford to treat the other to a meal at an expensive restaurant and the other does not have enough money to do the same, [02:00.41] it will cause problems in the relationship. [02:04.14] -- Westerns expect friends to be independent. [02:08.08] Western people prefer people to be independent, so they do not feel comfortable in a relationship in which one person is giving more and the other is dependent on what is giving. [02:20.25] Their friendship is mostly a matter of providing emotional support and spending time together. [02:26.51] A westerner will respond to a friend's trouble by asking" What do you want to do? [02:32.44]" The idea is to help the friend to think out the problem and discover the solution he or she really wants and then to support the solution. [02:42.19] Chinese friends give each other more concrete help. [02:46.08] A Chinese will use personal connections to help a friend get something hard to obtain such as a job, [02:53.22] or an appointment with a good doctor. [02:56.26] Chinese friends give each other money and might help each other out financially over a long time. [03:03.29] -- Chinese usually expect more from their friends. [03:07.33] In the West, you can certainly ask friend to do something with you, but you recognize that your friend may say no, [03:15.03] if he / she gives you a reason. [03:17.57] You would not expect a friend to drop everything to respond to a non urgent need such as shopping. [03:24.54] Nor would you expect a friend to recognize and respond to your wishes without stating them. [03:31.30] A friend in China is someone who offers help without waiting to be asked. [03:36.20] There are few limits to what you can expect from a friend. [03:40.19] You can feel free to tell your friend what he / she can or should do to help or please you.

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