魅力的三要素

Olivia Fox Cabane, a charisma coach and the author of the book “The Charisma Myth,” says we can boil charismatic behavior down to three pillars.

奥丽维亚·福克斯·卡班是一位魅力指导教练和《魅力神话》这本书的作者。她认为我们可以将有魅力的行为分解成三个支柱要素。

The first pillar, presence, involves residing in the moment. When you find your attention slipping while speaking to someone, refocus by centering yourself. Pay attention to the sounds in the environment, your breath and the subtle sensations in your body — the tingles that start in your toes and radiate throughout your frame.

第一个要素是，仪态，它的重点是要关注眼前和当下。要是你在跟人讲话的时候发现自己忍不住走神了，那就通过先关注自我来重新找回注意力。关注一下周围环境的声音，你自己的呼吸，以及你身体的细微感受——比如那些始于你的脚趾，慢慢传播至整个躯体的刺痛感。

Power, the second pillar, involves breaking down self-imposed barriers rather than achieving higher status. It’s about lifting the stigma that comes with the success you’ve already earned. Impostor syndrome, as it’s known, is the prevalent fear that you’re not worthy of the position you’re in. The higher up the ladder you climb, the more prevalent the feeling becomes.

权力，是第二个要素，它强调了在追求更高的目标之前，更重要的是要打碎那些自己强加于身的重负。它要求你学着把伴随自己取得的成功而来的那些耻辱感抛置脑后。广为人知的“冒名顶替综合症”就是一种对于自己是否配不上现在所处的位置的普遍恐惧。你在梯子上爬得越高，这种感觉就来得愈发频繁。

The key to this pillar is to remove self-doubt, assuring yourself that you belong and that your skills and passions are valuable and interesting to others. It’s easier said than done.

这个要素的关键在于要祛除自我怀疑，要一再肯定自己，告诉自己你属于这里，你的技术和热情对于他人来说是有价值和有趣的。这说起来比做起来要容易。

The third pillar, warmth, is a little harder to fake. This one requires you to radiate a certain kind of vibe that signals kindness and acceptance. It’s the sort of feeling you might get from a close relative or a dear friend. It’s tricky, considering those who excel here are people who invoke this feeling in others, even when they’ve just met.

第三个要素是，热忱，这一点比较难伪装。这个要素要求你能够释放一种特定的氛围，这种氛围使人感到友善和包容。这是那种你比较容易从至亲和好友身上获得的感受。这一点比较微妙，考虑到那些在这里表现出色的人通常都比较容易在别人身上引起这种感受，即便他们只是刚认识。

To master this pillar, Ms. Cabane suggests imagining a person you feel great warmth and affection for, and then focusing on what you enjoy most about your shared interactions. You can do this before interactions, or in shorter spurts while listening to someone else speak. This, she says, can change body chemistry in seconds, making even the most introverted among us exude the type of warmth linked to high-charisma people.

要掌握好这个要素，卡班女士建议我们想象一个你能从他身上感受到大量热忱和喜爱的人，然后把注意力放在你与之交流的过程中最享受的部分。你可以在与人交流之前做这件事，或是在倾听他人讲话时简短的激励一下自己。据她所说，这样做能够在几秒之内改变你身体的化学反应，能让我们之中最内向的那些人也能够释放出与那些魅力值很高的人同样的热忱气息。