孩子们需要听到的4句话

The words we use with our children are powerful. They paint a mental picture of the world, incite fear or instill hope, push them to grow or hold them back. All too often, parents throw out phrases that do more harm than good, such as constantly telling kids to "be careful," instead of teaching them to be aware of their surroundings or solve their own problems.

我们用在孩子身上的词语是强大的。他们在脑海中描绘了一幅世界的画面，煽动恐惧或灌输希望，推动他们成长或阻碍他们。很多时候，父母会说一些弊大于利的话，比如不断告诉孩子“小心点”，而不是教他们注意周围的环境或解决自己的问题。

As a parent, there are a few key phrases that I use with my kids on a regular basis. I like to use these phrases because they're catchy, the kids are more likely to remember them than if I deliver a lecture, and they offer a quick response that packs a lot of meaning into just a few words. (We've discussed them all in greater detail at another point in time, so the kids know what I'm talking about.)

作为父母，我经常和孩子们说一些关键的短语。我喜欢用这些短语，因为它们很容易记住，孩子们比我讲课时更容易记住它们，而且他们能做出快速反应，在几个词中蕴含了很多意义。(我们已经在其他时间更详细地讨论过了，所以孩子们知道我在说什么。)

Tara Moore / Getty Images

1. "You can do it."

“你能行。”

Some kids are fiercely independent from the start, but many others are quite happy to let mom or dad do everything for them, whether it's cutting up food, getting something to drink, putting on clothes, or tying shoelaces. Parents continue to do these tasks long after the child should've learned, just because it's easier or faster in the moment, but this ends up creating more work for the parents because the kid isn't learning independent skills.

有些孩子从一开始就非常独立，但也有很多孩子很乐意让父母为他们做所有的事情，无论是切食物、买饮料、穿衣服，还是系鞋带。父母在孩子应该学会的很长一段时间后继续做这些事情，只是因为现在做起来更容易更快，但这最终给父母创造了更多的工作，因为孩子没有学习独立的技能。

That's why I often tell my kids, "You can do it," "I know you can do it," or the somewhat stronger version, "Do it yourself!" Some parents might think it's harsh, but I see it as active encouragement, an extra push to try something that may have seemed initially intimidating. The look of pride on their faces when they've managed to do it makes it worthwhile.

这就是为什么我经常告诉我的孩子，“你能做到”，“我知道你能做到”，或者稍微强硬一点的说法，“你自己做!”一些家长可能会认为这样做很苛刻，但我认为这是一种积极的鼓励，是一种额外的推动，让他们去尝试一些起初看似令人生畏的东西。当他们成功做到这一点时，他们脸上骄傲的表情让这一切都值得。

2. "We're all out."

“我们都用完了”

This one applies only to children who are currently surrounded by abundance. For these (lucky) ones, there are toys and snacks aplenty, unlimited stimulation with devices and social media and playdates, and a relative life of ease. These are wonderful things to have, but they can lead to a sense of entitlement and lack of appreciation.

这句话只适用于那些现在生活富足的孩子。对于这些(幸运的)人来说，这里有大量的玩具和零食，有各种设备、社交媒体和玩伴的无限刺激，还有相对轻松的生活。拥有这些都是很美妙的事情，但它们会导致一种权利感和缺乏欣赏能力。

So how does one prevent children from becoming spoiled? There are many possible answers to that question, but I love one proposed by Lenore Skenazy, founder of Let Grow and author of "Free Range Kids." In her book she shares a "simple, brilliant anti-spoiling trick" that someone told her friend: "Every week, run out of one thing. Orange juice, cereal – whatever. It's a way to get kids used to not always having exactly what they want exactly when they want it."

那么如何防止孩子被宠坏呢?这个问题有很多可能的答案，但我喜欢由Let Grow创始人、《放养孩子》一书的作者Lenore Skenazy提出的一个答案。在她的书中，她分享了一个“简单而聪明的防破坏技巧”，有人告诉她的朋友:“每周用完一件东西。”橙汁，麦片，什么都行。这是一种让孩子们习惯于不总是在他们想要的时候确切地得到他们想要的东西的方法。”

Tell them, "We're all out," and don't rush to the store to replace it. Let them experience even the tiniest bit of withdrawal in order to have greater appreciation on the next grocery day.

告诉他们，“我们都用完了”，不要急着去商店买新的。让他们体验哪怕是最微小的取款，以便在下一个购物日有更大的感激。

3. "We can't afford that."

“我们负担不起。”

Along the anti-spoiling lines, this is a lesson that will serve children well for the rest of their lives. Just because you want something (and everyone else seems to have it) does not mean you can have it, too. And if you really need or want it, then you'd better start saving until you can afford it.

沿着反溺爱的路线，这是一个将在孩子们的余生中很好的教训。仅仅因为你想要某样东西(其他人似乎都有)并不意味着你能拥有它。如果你真的需要或者想要它，那么你最好开始存钱，直到你能负担得起为止。

4. "Don't go off with strangers."

“不要和陌生人走。”

This is what parents should be telling their kids, instead of the usual "Don't talk to strangers," which I despise. This annoying phrase suggests that everyone is a possible bogeyman (statistically unlikely) and gets in the way of children being comfortable asking for help when they actually need it.

这是父母应该告诉孩子的，而不是我鄙视的“不要和陌生人说话”。这句恼人的话表明，每个人都可能是妖怪(统计上不太可能)，而且在孩子们真正需要帮助的时候，会妨碍他们自如地寻求帮助。

In her book Skenazy cites police officer Glen Evans, who teaches self-defense to kids and says, "When you tell your children not to talk to a stranger, you are effectively removing hundreds of good people in the area who could be helping them."

斯科纳兹在书中引用了教授孩子自卫的格伦·埃文斯警官的话说:“当你告诉你的孩子不要和陌生人说话时，你实际上是在赶走该地区数百名可能会帮助他们的好人。”

Instead, tell them not to go off with strangers, no matter how nice they seem. The more comfortable a child feels communicating, standing up for their feelings, and asserting themselves, the safer they'll be.

相反，告诉他们不要和陌生人一起出去，不管他们看起来有多好。孩子在交流、维护自己的感情、维护自己时感到越舒服，他们就会越安全。