双语·老实人 第六章 怎样地举办功德大会禳解地震，老实人怎样地被打板子
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Chapter 6 How the Portuguese Made a Superb Auto-De-Fe to Prevent Any Future Earthquakes, and How Candide Underwent Public Flagellation
After the earthquake, which had destroyed three-fourths of the city of Lisbon, the sages of that country could think of no means more effectual to preserve the kingdom from utter ruin than to entertain the people with an auto-da-fe, it having been decided by the University of Coimbra, that the burning of a few people alive by a slow fre, and with great ceremony, is an infallible preventive of earthquakes.
In consequence thereof they had seized on a Biscayan for marrying his godmother, and on two Portuguese for taking out the bacon of a larded pullet they were eating；after dinner they came and secured Dr. Pangloss, and his pupil Candide, the one for speaking his mind, and the other for seeming to approve what he had said.They were conducted to separate apartments, extremely cool, where they were never incommoded with the sun.Eight days afterwards they were each dressed in a sanbenito, and their heads were adorned with paper mitres.The mitre and sanbenito worn by Candide were painted with flames reversed and with devils that had neither tails nor claws；but Dr.Pangloss's devils had both tails and claws, and his fames were upright.In these habits they marched in procession, and heard a very pathetic sermon, which was followed by an anthem, accompanied by bagpipes.Candide was fogged to some tune, while the anthem was being sung；the Biscayan and the two men who would not eat bacon were burned, and Pangloss was hanged, which is not a common custom at these solemnities.The same day there was another earthquake, which made most dreadful havoc.
Candide, amazed, terrifed, confounded, astonished, all bloody, and trembling from head to foot, said to himself，“If this is the best of all possible worlds, what are the others?If I had only been whipped, I could have put up with it, as I did among the Bulgarians；but, not withstanding, oh my dear Pangloss！My beloved master！Thou greatest of philosophers！That ever I should live to see thee hanged, without knowing for what！O my dear Anabaptist, thou best of men, that it should be thy fate to be drowned in the very harbor！O Miss Cunegund, you mirror of young ladies！That it should be your fate to have your body ripped open！”
He was making the best of his way from the place where he had been preached to, whipped, absolved and blessed, when he was accosted by an old woman, who said to him，“Take courage, child, and follow me.”
第六章 怎样地举办功德大会禳解地震，老实人怎样地被打板子
地震把里斯本毁了四分之三，地方上一般有道行的人，觉得要防止全城毁灭，除了替民众办一个大规模的功德会，别无他法。科印勃勒大学[11]的博士们认为，在庄严的仪式中用文火活活烧死几个人，是阻止地震万试万灵的秘方。
因此他们抓下一个波斯加伊人，两个葡萄牙人。波斯加伊人供认娶了自己的干妈[12]，葡萄牙人的罪名是吃鸡的时候把同煮的火腿扔掉。刚吃过饭的邦葛罗斯和他的门徒老实人也被捕了，一个是因为说了话，一个是因为听的神气表示赞成。两人被分别带进一间十分凉快、永远不会受到阳光刺激的屋子。八天以后，他们俩穿上特制的披风，头上戴着尖顶纸帽：老实人的披风和尖帽，画的是倒垂的火焰，一些没有尾巴、没有爪子的魔鬼；邦葛罗斯身上的魔鬼又有尾巴又有爪子，火焰是向上的。他们装束停当[13]，跟着大队游行，听了一篇悲壮动人的讲道，紧跟着又是很美妙的几部合唱的音乐。一边唱歌，一边就有人把老实人按着节拍打屁股。波斯加伊人和两个吃鸡没吃火腿的葡萄牙人被烧死了，邦葛罗斯是被吊死的，虽然这种刑罚与习惯不合。当天会后，又轰隆隆地来了一次惊心动魄的地震[14]。
老实人吓得魂不附体，目瞪口呆，头里昏昏沉沉，身上全是血迹，打着哆嗦，对自己说道：“最好的世界尚且如此，别的世界还了得？我挨打屁股倒还罢了，保加利亚人也把我打过的；可是亲爱的邦葛罗斯！你这个最伟大的哲学家！我连你罪名都不知道，竟眼看你被吊死，难道是应该的吗？噢，亲爱的雅各，你这个最好的好人，难道应该淹死在港口里吗？噢，居内贡小姐，你这女中之宝，难道应当被人开肠剖肚吗？”
老实人听过布道，打过屁股，受了赦免，受了祝福，东倒西歪，挣扎着走回去，忽然有个老婆子过来和他说：“孩子，鼓起勇气来，跟我走。”
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