For most of my adolescence and young adulthood, I fantasized about being a musician, a rock star, in particular. Any badass guitar song I heard, I would always close my eyes and envision myself up on stage playing it to the screams of the crowd, people absolutely losing their minds to my sweet finger-noodling.

 

从孩提时代到青年时代，大多数时候，我都梦想成为一个音乐家，尤其是一个摇滚明星。每当听到劲爆的吉他音乐，我就会闭上眼睛，想象自己就站在舞台上演奏，台下的观众不停尖叫，他们沉醉在我指尖的美妙旋律里。

 

This fantasy could keep me occupied for hours on end. The fantasizing continued up through college, even after I dropped out of music school and stopped playing seriously. But even then, it was never a question of if I'd ever be up playing in front of screaming crowds, but when.

这样的白日梦，我会做上好几个小时。这个梦想就这样陪伴着我，一直到了大学，甚至到了从音乐学校辍学、并彻底放弃演奏音乐时，它都还在我心中。但是，在那时候，问题并不在于我“是否”能实现登台的梦想，而在于“何时”能实现。

 

I was biding my time before I could invest the proper amount of time and effort into getting out there and making it work. First, I needed to finish school. Then, I needed to make money. Then, I needed to find the time. Then, and then nothing.

我在努力争取时间，投入充足的时间和努力来实现梦想。首先，我要完成学业。接着，我需要挣钱。然后，我需要找到时间。然后，然后就没有然后了。

 

Despite fantasizing about this for over half of my life, the reality never came. And it took me a long time and a lot of negative experiences to finally figure out why. I didn't actually want it. I was in love with the result, the image of me on stage, people cheering, me rocking out, pouring my heart into what I'm playing. But I wasn't in love with the process. And because of that, I failed at it. Repeatedly. Hell, I didn't even try hard enough to fail at it. I hardly tried at all.

尽管这个梦想陪伴了我大半辈子，但是它从来没有实现过。经过岁月的洗礼，人生的磨难，我才知道，为什么我的梦想没有实现。我，并不是真的想要实现它。我很喜欢那个结果，自己站在舞台上的样子，人们为我欢呼，我如痴如狂地演奏，全心全意投入音乐中。但是，我不喜欢逐梦的过程。因此，我失败了，一次又一次地失败了。就算是争取失败，我也没能认真争取过，我根本就没去尝试过。

 

The daily drudgery of practicing, the logistics of finding a group and rehearsing, the pain of finding gigs and actually getting people to show up and give a sh*t, the broken strings, the blown tube amp, hauling 40 pounds of gear to and from rehearsals with no car. It's a mountain of a dream and a mile-high climb to the top. And what it took me a long time to discover is that I didn't like to climb much. I just liked to imagine the top.

日复一日练习的枯燥，找到志同道合者一起排练的辛劳，寻找演出机会的痛苦，做好宣传让人们来认真看演奏的困难，弹到断掉的吉他弦，坏掉的乐器，在没有车的情况下把重达40磅的器材搬来搬去……梦想像山一样高，要爬很久才能到顶。很久之后，我才发现，我不喜欢攀登的过程，我只喜欢顶端的风景。

 

Our culture would tell me that I've somehow failed myself, that I'm a quitter or a loser. Self-help would say that I either wasn't courageous enough, determined enough or I didn't believe in myself enough. The entrepreneurial/start-up crowd would tell me that I chickened out on my dream and gave in to my conventional social conditioning. I'd be told to do affirmations or join a mastermind group or manifest or something.

社会文化会告诉我，我失败了，我半途而废，我是个失败者。我的内心会告诉我，我不够勇敢，不够坚定，或者我不够相信自己。创业圈的人会告诉我，在梦想面前，我临阵脱逃，我向社会传统屈服了。人们会告诉我，要肯定自己，加入聪明人的队伍，证明自己。

 

But the truth is far less interesting than that. I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn't. End of story. I wanted the reward and not the struggle. I wanted the result and not the process. I was in love not with the fight but only the victory. And life doesn't work that way.

然而，事实可没那么有趣。我以为自己想拥有某个东西，但是，事实上，我并不想拥有它，就这样。我想要回报，却不想要努力。我想要结果，但不想要过程。我只对胜利感兴趣，却对奋斗过程不感兴趣。然而，人生并不是这样的。

 

Who you are is defined by the values you are willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who get in good shape. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who move up it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainty of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it.

你是什么样的人，取决于你愿意为什么样的价值观而奋斗。那些享受健身过程中的努力的人，就是那些身材很棒的人。那些热爱工作，热爱晋升制度的人，就是那些不断晋升的人。那喜欢压力，喜欢不确定感的人，最终会变成活出精彩，取得成就的人。